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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Get This Baby Out of Me!

See the name of this post? It means that I have reached the stage where the most irritating thing by far is me becoming one of those irritating women who say stupid stuff like "get this baby out of me". Of course I am not serious, the baby is not even 35 weeks yet and needs to cook some more. But geez...

Sooner or later almost all the women start talking about how they just want the baby out. I used to read these kind of comments and wanted to yell at them to shut up and stop being annoying - yes we all know it gets uncomfortable in the end, but those few weeks make a huge difference in baby's health, so just keep him or her in and be quiet! If they sounded like they actually meant it and were gulping castor oil, then I felt more violent and would consider slapping them across their faces to get them snap out of it.

I am not gulping castor oil, nor do I ever plan to, but I am most certainly one of them now. Gah! I keep checking the clock every 10 minutes hoping somehow I haven't noticed that it is 20 days later than the last time I looked. It's not.

The nausea has never left, but it is getting worse again. I can't breathe. The inability to breathe is, of course, normal (everything is normal when you are pregnant, so if you suddenly grow a second head or a third arm, please do not be disturbed as this is caused by the hormonal changes in your body and is perfectly fine, plus it can't harm the baby in the least), because the baby is big and pushes on your lungs. I am sure it doesn't help that my iron levels are sill pitifully low. The gasping for air is so damn aggravating. It doesn't matter if I am active (by active I mean sitting at the table drinking a glass of water, since that is as active as I can get) or if I am lying in bed. It is a non stop struggle to get enough oxygen and it is impossible to ignore, because - well, you know, it's breathing!

The baby is also strong and long now and her kicks and stretches make my stomach expand in seven different directions at the same time. It looks like an alien is about to burst out. It's creepy and even though it is not necessarily painful, it is also far from comfortable. Sometimes I can feel her foot (or whatever it is she sticks out) under my ribs and sometimes she punches my pelvic bones so hard I can feel them tremble. And let's not even get into the hiccups...if you think that dripping faucet in the middle of the night is annoying, try having somebody hiccup inside your stomach.

So yes - with all of this all I can think about is "get this baby out of me NOW!" 

Seriously, is it June yet? Now? How about now?? What do you mean it's only been 10 minutes??

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